I Will Praise You In This Storm

So, more then a month later I show up...and some know and some wonder and some, it hasn't crossed your mind. But, where have I been? I have been in a storm. A dark storm, full of rain and sleet and hail. There has been lightning, wind, tornadoes and a lot of uncertainty. You know what else? There has been change, peace, there has been glory, there has been love, there are new relationships, old relationships have been strengthened, there have been lessons of patience, humility and some days there has been joy. I have been picked up, dusted off and made new in a hundred, million different ways.

The mind is a powerful thing, but it is just that, a thing. It is not our heart, it is not our soul, it is not where God resides. So, it is powerful, but it is not all knowing, it is not unable to be tackled (when it needs tackled). God can get there in a moments notice to stand guard. When Satan uses our mind as a stronghold, God can and will step in and say "NO", "this is MY child and you WILL NOT have her". I couldn't have asked him, I was past the point of recognizing myself. But God recognized me, he hadn't left or turned his head for a second and when the devil got too close and the pills went down my throat, God said ENOUGH IS ENOUGH. Keri Sue Stock Lyon is mine and you WILL NOT HAVE HER NOW OR EVER. So, step aside, there is work to be done and to my glory she will do it and with my protection she will get the help she needs and the resources will be made available. And MY (God's)grand plan went into action.

It is something so tragic to think about, looking back. There is shame, God is working on that with me...there is embarassment....but there is also a magnificent testimony of the power of the Lord our God and how he can transform such a dire situation into something that glorifies him. Our family has been strengthened by the outpouring of love, support, prayer, food, childcare, hugs, thoughts, cards etc. from our church and Sunday school class. I know without a doubt that without them I would not have come home from the hospital as soon as I did. I never once worried about my kids...(and for the sake of this email, Sarah C. you are part of my church family okay?) I share some of the details of my battle not for sympathy or shock value, I share because I need to get it out. I need to acknowledge those who saved my life, who God sent as angels here on earth to pull me and my family through this. I don't think my mom could've slept or sat still the week she did before she came out if she hadn't had the support of these people. Their arms stretched as far as Idaho!!!

I don't understand everything, I probably won't. Why I suffer from these diseases/diagnoses....why I take medication to regulate my brain. Why it can switch so quick. But I can learn warning signs and coping skills, I can learn ways that Satan uses it as a stronghold on me, the way he uses addictions on others. I can accept that support groups exist to help me realize I am not alone here on earth and I am not the only one who fights the battle.

God has manifested himself in some awesome ways in this horribly scary and unsettling time. I have met some amazing people. I have been able to share my ONE HOPE with a few people. I have had the "luck" or shall we just say the blessing of the first Christian therapist being the one I clicked with, so there was no wasted time. My psychiatrist has the same philosophy as we (Jake and I) do...about medication and how we want it used in my treatment...and I happen to be in an area of the country with one of the LEADING mental health facilities. It is huge and the resources I have at my fingertips are amazing. So, for the first time I am in group therapy, and wow is it exhausting and healing and hard and wonderful.

I have a long road ahead of me, but not in comparison to that of life. And, I want to be well. I want to enjoy my time on earth, my time with my kids. I want them to know a healthy mom! I want them to know what smiles look like, the real kind, the ones that start at your heart and work their way out. I want them to hear laughter and giggles and know that it doesn't stop b/c you become an adult. I want them to know fun and I am not willing to let Satan take even an ounce of that away from me.

He tried. He tried sooooo hard. I spent 4 long days in a hospital, I started this outpatient program, made it four days and got mono and strep B and have now missed 2 weeks. My mom's visit to ease the childcare issue, so I could go to group, ended up being a visit to care for me as I lay on the couch unable to talk or swallow, drugged up with cortizone (to keep the tonsils from touching each other) and Lortabs for pain...my fever reached 103.8 at one point....so what kind of mental healing takes place when your body has just plain given out - NOT MUCH!

But Feb. 20 I will rejoin my group - given the okay by my primary care Phys. and in the mean time, God and I work on things :) I rest and allow my body to heal, I said yes to offers of childcare, meals and everything that was offered - which was so hard but so necessary. I keep thinking, "How can I ever say thank you". But I would do it for any of them in a heart beat. And God is teaching me that maybe that is how you say thank you. In a different place, a different time, they will need something and I will be there. It will be my turn to be their pillar of strength, their homemade lasagna or their 24/7 babysitter!

I really don't know what the road ahead looks like, I take it day by day, but I am glad there is a road ahead. A road I am blessed and excited to take. I feel more loved than I ever had. I haven't ever felt neglected but man I sure now have no doubt I am loved.

I have several songs I listen to and sing and hit close to home, Bring the Rain - Mercy Me (thank you Connie), I Will Praise You in this Storm - Casting Crowns, Breathing - Lifehouse, God Will Lift up Your Head - Jars of Clay

That is me, that is the real me, that is where I have been the last month and a half or so. It has been the most incredible time of my life from the lowest lows to the highest highs. To moments of pure despair to feelings of complete safety and comfort. I have seen my friends step up in ways I didn't even imagine they would ever have to, not for me. But I am so thankful they did and I wouldn't have made it if they hadn't. I have realized that my church and ss class are full of REAL people with a real love for Christ and a desire to serve in His name and it makes me feel so honored to be a part of it - makes me want to live up to the reputation.
I have met new friends too, gained support from nooks and cranies that I knew existed but hadn't gone before. It was part of His master plan, as hard as it is to swallow that sometimes, I know this was orchestrated long before I came along.
And in the end, if I am a better servant, a better wife, a better mother, a better friend, then it was worth it.

For those of you that read this and have given us meals, changed Bo's diapers, entertained Anna, picked them up at school, called us, brought me a Mocha, said a prayer, initiated a prayer chain, sent a card or flowers, driven 2 hours there and back to watch my kids, organized the whole charade of meals and child care, sent gift cards for pizza and sandwiches, sent cupcakes just for the kids, so much as offered to do my laundry or clean my house - THANK YOU for being you. Thank you for being Jesus, in skin....I have seen it and felt it and I just want to feel it more, I want to serve him as I have been served.

Have a blessed day
Keri