A Little Reluctance, Some Uncertainty, and a Prayer for Peace

I have been so reluctant to just jump in there, to just reopen my heart. But it is apparent to me that HERE is where I belong. Behind a keyboard, pouring out my emotions and trying to make sense of a life that only my God truly understands.
I was certain, after a year and a half of unemployment and various challenges and trials that when we were presented with the opportunity to move back to Idaho, return to Simplot, be near my family, that it was GOD that was opening the doors. I'm not saying now, that I have changed my mind. I am just saying that 10months after the journey began and the news that Jake's plant will be closing and the certainty of his job is MORE than up in the air...that I feel unsettled. Okay, okay, more than unsettled. I feel sick.
I want more than anything to be the good Christian, Faith Believing girl that can say, God knows what this is about, no worries. I want to say, we are good right now, let's count our blessings. I want to surprise everyone and be the half glass full kinda gal. But guess what, I'm not going to sugar coat this moment, because that would leave my mind reeling. So, I will tell you how I feel. I feel let down, again....by who? Corporate America? The state of the economy? Myself and the decision that I was a part of to move my family 1700 miles from everything they new for THIS? And then it hits me....is that where my Faith is? In corporate America (cause that is scary).
I am scared. I do not want to walk down a path that I just traveled. I am tired, I am weary.
Is it okay that I dream? Just for a moment? Hang with me just so I can get this out....I want to live in ONE place for a LONG time. In a house that I can call MINE - you got to live there longer then oh 3years for that feeling to start. I want to feel that settled feeling and the linger in the ideas and day dreams of my kids staying in 1 school longer than a year.
Please, don't get me wrong. I am blessed, I am not complaining, I am not minimizing those trials and tribulations that others face that are far greater than mine. I do realize that this is minor in the grand scheme of things. But for now, for this day, and this minute, within this hour, my heart is weary, my faith is wavering and I needed to just say what was on my heart.
I do know, deep down, that my GOD has got me. That there is a plan and a reason and a time for everything. And because I choose to believe this, I also choose to accept that I may not ever know or understand the timing.
God, place your hands upon my heart. Protect it from the pokings and prodings of satan as he attacks me where I am vulnerable - worry, doubt, detachment. Remind me in the little things that you are ever present. And for that, I am thankful.