What 24hrs Can or Can't Do

So, yesterday morning I was filled with relief, excitement and a whole lot of hope. Today, this evening, I feel let down, misled and a little angry.
My appt. today with my Dr. did not fall in line with what I thought the nurse said on the phone. Maybe I heard more of what I wanted to hear, or maybe the lines got crossed...either way, what my Dr. had to say today did not include the phrase "we can fix this."
Indeed I have been diagnosed with a "small right deep periventricular venous angioma". What that means? I have the equivalent of a varicous vein thing going on "DEEP" in my brain. There is no treatment, there is no surgery, there is no way to make it GO AWAY. Symptoms include headaches and seizures but there isn't much else to say.
I am being referred to a neurologist, who my Dr. informed me, may have some treatment ideas i.e. steriods or other drug therapies. But unless something in the field of "angiomas" changes drastically, there is no "cure" per say. I am to continue on my "new" birth control, to see if the old one I was one was agrivating my head, she added a muscle relaxer to my numerous medications to see if any portion of this headache is tension related. I am to continue the Topomax (which will take up to a month to do anything), I am on the minimal amount of Loratab I can take to semi-control the pain and allow me to function and I can take Imitrex too, which works but at $4 a pill (and that is with insurance) those are kind of reserved for the cut my head off kind of days.
So count them up, I have 5 meds alone for my head, 1 anti-depressent, 1 anti-anxiety and 1 birth control pill. Can you say a walking pharmacy? Ugh I hate it. But If I throw it all out the window I will be in bad shape, for I can still, through all this feel a pounding in my head. Isn't that crazy?
As you can imagine our main concern (including my dr.) is not so much what is causing it, but why nothing is making it go away. If we can get it to go away we can then figure our or attempt at least to figure out why. I just want to scream! I want to live my life and this is so debilitating and I know people out there are worse off then me. But right now, this is my nightmare and I am going to vent about it.
I hate feeling loopy, I hate "masking" the pain, I hate the pain. I hate telling Anna I have to lay down b/c I simply can't lift another finger. I hate the medication hangover in the morning. I hate that my house can't get clean b/c the mere scent of cleanser sends the pulses in my head pounding and my stomach turns and then I am off to the anti nausea meds, which I did not include in the count above.
GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!
I really thought I heard the nurse say, "This is the reason for your headaches and we can treat them, nothing to be scared of". I swear she said that.
Maybe it is the reason, but at this moment there is no treatment.

Please pray for the neurosurgeon, who I should hear from tomorrow/TH and that there is something out there, other than "drug therapy" to help this. Please pray for my sanity, my mental health and the overall well being of my family. God, please help me to know when I must bow to my pride and ask for help. God, thank you for being you, even in the midst of dark times when I can't see through the fog. I trust you, I do.